Guilt. Loneliness. Sorrow. Depressed. All of these feelings filled your heart as you watched your younger brother Eren conversing with his friends a few tables away. It's been some time since he joined the Scouting Regimen and even so you couldn't bring yourself to go talk to him. You couldn't.
The last time you had an actual conversion with your younger brother was the day Shiganshina fell. You were with the Scouting Regimen already and you had just returned from an expedition outside the walls. Since you were already in Shiganshina you had asked the commander if you could stay and visit your family while you were there. He agreed but had told you to return by sunset. You had gladly agreed before Eren and Mikasa both embraced you in a hug happy to see you. When you got home your dad had noticed you were injured and quickly tended to your sprained ankle and fractured arm despite your protests. And just like every visit your mom had begged you to quit the scouts and transfer to the Garrison or the Military Police seeing you had ranked 1st in your class. But like always you had refused saying you wanted to actually fight for humanity instead of just lying around. She simply sighed saying you were as stubborn as ever before hugging you tightly telling you to always be careful. You played a while with Eren, Mikasa, and Armin and told them about the expedition before finally getting on your horse again. You had said your goodbyes and left. Little did you know that was the last goodbye you would tell your parents.
When you had heard about the breach you had quickly grabbed your gear in attempt to go find your family but Hanji, Levi, and Erwin held you back saying that you were injured and wouldn't be able to do anything about it. You still had refused and attempted to go. They had to actually knock you out in order to keep you from going. Later when you woke up you had found Hannes waiting by your bed. You knew right away he didn't bring good news. The look in his eyes gave it away. When he had told you of your mothers demise you had refused to believe it. You couldn't make yourself believe it. You had seen her only a few hours ago. She was fine. He told you he didn't know about your dad but he assumed the worse seeing he was no where to be found. The only good news he shared was that Eren, Mikasa, and Armin were alive. Traumatized, but alive. You had blamed Hannes, yelling at him demading why he couldn't save your mom. Why he didn't save her when he could have. He had asked for you for forgiveness and was on his knees and after crying your heart out you did. You forgave him because you realized that it wasn't his fault that your mother was dead. It was your fault. It was all you. You had been there that day and if you would stayed a bit longer, if you would have just ignored your commanders order and stayed there a bit longer your mother would be alive. She might have lived and Eren and Mikasa wouldn't be scarred from that awful day. Hanji, Levi, and Erwin comforted you though it wasn't much help. You slowly started smiling less and the shine in your eyes dulled. You couldn't bare facing Eren again. You couldn't bare looking in his turquoise eyes. You knew Eren hated you. You didn't have to face him to realize that. He most likely blamed you. He probably thought that you were the worse solider ever since you weren't able to save your own mother. That was the reason you joined the Scouting Regimen, to protect your family and people who couldn't protect themselves. You failed. Now here you both are in the same regiment and not once had either of you exchanged words.
“(Y/n) you okay? You've stopped eating and spaced off.” Hanji asked you. You snapped out of your thoughts and forced a smile.
“Yea I'm fine.” You answered.
“Is it the brat again?” Levi asked sipping his tea.
“He isn't a brat.” You said glaring slightly disapproving of his words.
“(Y/n) just talk to him. I know that's all you want. You want to have that sibling bond again.” Erwin told you. “You've talked a bit with Ackerman and Arlert how come not your brother?”
“I know why you feel you can't talk to him but you two are brother and sister. You can't avoid each other for the rest of your lives.” Levi said. He may act distant and cold but he was always there for you and cared deeply for you and he along with the other squad leaders saw how much you were hurting. “You've been watching him from a distance all these years. You've watched him when he was in Wall Rose, you've asked Shadis for updates during his training, and you've been asking me about his progress ever since he's been assigned to my squad.”
“I'm still mad at you for beating him at court you know.”
“Tch. It got him here didn't it?”
“(Y/n) just talk to him I'm sure he understands and doesn't blame you for what happened that day. You were injured after all.” Hanji told you. You shook your head.
“No. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go. I have paperwork to finish.” With that you got up from the Squad leader table and left the mess hall unknown to you that a pair of turquoise eyes watching you sadly.
“Eren just go talk to her.” Mikasa told him as he watched you leave.
“No Mikasa.” Eren told her.
“Eren we know you really want to. That's all you've wanted to do since we got into the Scouts” Armin told him making him sigh. “I'm sure she doesn't blame you for your moms death. I'm sure she understands.”
“No, I'm sure she hates me. She must think I'm weak because I wasn't able to save our mom five years ago.”
“There was nothing you could have done.”
“If I was stronger then maybe. She really must think it was my fault.”
“Eren you should talk to her. You've been asking shorty, Squad Leader Hanji, the commander... hell you've been asking everyone how she's been doing since we've been here.” Mikasa told him. It's true. Just like you've been asking about Eren and checking up on him he's been doing the same for you. However, you both had made everyone swear not to tell the other that they were asking about them. This tore everyone's hearts knowing that you both thought the other hated them and blamed them for their mothers death when that wasn't the case. “Just go to her and fix your sibling bond.”
“As much as I don't like you Jeager I do think it's best if you try and fix your relationship with your sister.” Jean told him.
“Yea family is the most important thing you can have.” Krista agreed.
“I don't want to talk about this anymore. Let's drop it.” Eren said before going back to eating. The 104th trainee squad sighed. They looked over to the superior table and shook their heads sadly making the superiors sigh.
After finishing your paperwork you laid down in bed looking at the ceiling of your room and thought. You have shut Eren away and kept your distance in fear that he was mad at you but still somewhere in your heart you felt regret. How so many times you had wanted to hold him in your arms comforting him for your mothers death and grieve together but then the thought of him hating you came back and you pushed those thoughts away. You didn't even know your own brother was titan shifter until recently. What kind of sister were you? You sighed and thought back to all the fun times you had with Eren when you two were close.
You had recently returned from an expedition and once again had asked to go visit your family. After greeting your parents you walked over to Eren's room and peered inside. You smiled gently at seeing your five year old brother sleeping soundly in bed.
“Eren?” You sang knocking on his door in a special way.
“Do you wanna go and play now?
Come on lets go outside.” You sang as you walked inside his room. You sat at the edge of his bed shaking his sleeping form gently.
“I made it back inside the wall
Just like I said
Come on let's go have fun-” Eren woke up and when he saw you he quickly tackled you in a hug. You smiled and hugged him back.
“I really missed you buddy
I really did
Come on get out of bed!-.” You sang tickling him making him giggle.
“Do you wanna go and play now?
You can pick whatever game now.”
“Hide and seek?” He asked hopeful.
“Let's play then.” You sang pulling him off his bed gently as you quickly went to play.
Four Years Later
“Hey Mikasa want to go surprise Eren?” You asked your new adoptive sister after talking with her a bit. She quickly nodded and you held her hand and led her to Eren's room. You knocked on Eren's door in your signature knock making him look up. When he saw you his smile widen and went to hug you.
“Do you wanna go and play now?
Or read some books with Armin now?
I've met our new sister Mikasa
I've started talking to
She's actually pretty cool-
It's true Mika!” You sang winking at her making the girl blush and lower her head into her red scarf.
“It gets a little lonely
Without all of you,
Just watching the hours tick by-
Tic-Tock, Tic-Tock, Tic-Tock, Tic-Tock, Tic-Tock” They laughed as you made clock noises with your tongue before all of you went to go find Armin.
End of Flashback
“Erwin's right, I want Eren to be my brother again just like old times. I do want my sibling bond back. And I will!” You sat up in bed determinedly. “Starting tomorrow I'll start to fix our broken bond!” Already you felt your old cheerful personality returning.
The next day you were walking back to your office after delivering some paperwork to Erwin. You had told him along with Levi, Hanji, Armin, and Mikasa that you were going to attempt to fix your bond with Eren and least to say they were really happy. As you walked down the hall you saw Eren walking the halls in the opposite direction as you. Your heart leaped in joy. This was your chance!
“Good morning Eren!” You said smiling. He stopped and saluted you.
“Good morning Squad Leader Jeager.” He said his face showing no emotion making you flinch. You've never seen him like this. Can't say you blame him. He really must hate you. But you have to try.
“You don't have to be formal with me Eren. Um do want to go to my office and talk? I mean we've haven't done that in a while.”
“Sorry Squad leader but I have cleaning duty to do. Now if you'll excuse me.” He said before saluting you once more before leaving you alone in the hall once more. Tears filled your eyes and around the corner unknown to you Eren had tears in his eyes as well.
“Alright this will definitely work!” You said as you stood in the kitchen making Eren's favorite food. “Eren loves this. Maybe he'll listen to me now.” It may seem like you were bribing him but right now you didn't care. Once you were done you wrapped it and placed it in a basket. “Now to go find my baby brother!” You grabbed the basket and quickly went to find him. When you did you found him outside. Perfect. “Eren!” You called. He turned around and saluted.
“Squad leader.” He said simply. The way he was acting reminded you a lot of Levi.
“Um I made your favorite food! Remember the one I used to make you when you younger whenever I visited? I was wondering if you wanted to eat lunch with me outside just like in the past.”
“Sorry but I promised Mikasa and Armin I'll meet them in the mess hall. Besides I'm not that hungry.” He nodded his head at you and saluted before walking back inside leaving you alone once more. When Eren walked in the mess hall he sat down at his usual table where everyone was.
“What's wrong Eren?” They asked seeing his depressed face.
“I ran into (y/n) today, and she asked me to go to her office so we can talk.” He said.
“Is that so?” They asked playing dumb. You had told them about what you were planning to do and wanted to know how Eren reacted. “So what did you say?”
“I told her I had to clean.”
“WHAT?!” They both yelled making everyone in the mess hall look at them. “You didn't have cleaning duty today!”
“I know. And she also asked me to eat lunch with her and eat the food she used to make me whenever she visited but I told her I wasn't hungry and came here.”
“Eren can't you see she's reaching out to you?” Armin asked sighing.
“Damn it you idiot! How stupid are you?! Your sister reaching out to you means she doesn't hate your guts!” Jean exclaimed grabbing him by the collar of his shirt.
“That may be true but still! She doesn't deserve a poor excuse of a brother who wasn't able to protect their mom!” Eren yelled back. “Besides you shouldn't stick your nose where it doesn't belong horse face!”
“Jean let him go.” Mikasa said glaring at him. Jean let Eren go before Mikasa went over to him. “Eren for once I agree with horse face over there. You should have talked to (y/n).”
“Like I said, she deserves a brother who is better then me.”
“Eren you are and will always be her only brother.”
“I don't expect any of you to understand.” With that Eren got up and left.
For the rest of the day you attempted many more times to talk to Eren but was met with the same results. You sighed as you had your head on Levi's lap. Levi was used to this and simply stroked your hair.
“He really didn't attempt to talk to you?” Hanji asked as she, Erwin, Mikasa, and Armin sat down in your office at the end of the day.
“No. He kept making up excuses before leaving.” You answered.
“I'm sure Eren just doesn't know what to say.” Armin said trying to make you feel better. God how badly they wanted to tell both of you that none of you hated each other.
“Maybe I should just give up.”
“Want me to order the brat to talk to you?” Levi asked.
“No. I want Eren to talk to me because he wants to not because you force him.”
“Are you really going to give up though?” Erwin asked.
“I thought you said you wanted to fix things?” Mikasa said.
“I do but I just don't know what to do anymore. I tried, I really tried but nothing is working.” You said sitting up from Levi's lap covering your face with your hands truly exhausted. You collected your thoughts and calmed yourself down. “Armin is Eren in his room?” You asked the blonde. You had managed to convince Levi to let Eren sleep in an actual bed instead of the dungeon and soon enough Levi agreed.
“Yea he was there when I came here.” He answered making you nod.
“Alright then.” You said getting up.
“What are you going to do?” Hanji asked.
“I'm going to ask him a question.”
“A question?” Erwin asked raising one of his bushy eyebrows. Mikasa gasped.
“You mean that question?” You nodded once more.
“What question?” Levi asked.
“A question I haven't asked him in over five years. If this doesn't work then I know for sure that Eren no longer wants anything to do with me.” With that you left you office and walked over to where Eren's room was in the boys sleeping quarters. As you got closer you began getting nervous. What if Eren really doesn't want anything to do with you anymore? Before you knew it you were standing in front of his door. You took a breath before knocking. “Eren?” You asked.
“Please, I know you're in there,
You've ignored me all so well.” You sang your hand on the door.
“I know you're mad, and I understand
I wasn't there that day, to help save mom-
I know I haven't been there
For most your life
Please just let me in-” You turned you back on door before slowly sliding down to the floor pulling your knees close to you. You sniffed holding back your tears.
“Do you wanna go and play now?” You sang your voice cracking a bit at the end before you closed your eyes leaning your head against the door a few tears falling. A moment or so later the door slowly opened making you turn around. You saw your younger brother Eren there crying. He bent down onto the floor as well before gently bringing you into a hug surprising you.
“I do.” He answered his voice cracking as well. Your eyes widen before you wrapped your arms around him hugging him back as both of you let your tears fall. Those tears that you both held back for so long. All your worries at that moment disappeared. You both knew that everything was going to be alright. Everything was back to the way it should have always been. Nothing needed to be said at the moment because all that needed to be said was in that one embrace. Everyone watched from the corner of the hallway smiles on their faces some even with tears in their eyes as they watched the two siblings hug. One question. One question was all that needed to be asked to bring these two siblings back together, and nothing would ever tear them apart again.