For Now (Reiner Braun x Reader)

*Spoilers from the manga!*

    People were crying. People were yelling. Blood was raining down on all of you as the titans fed on whoever they could find. You stared with wide eyes as you took in the sight all around you. How could a quiet and peaceful morning turn into something like this? You could not find the strength in you to move and your body shook slightly in fear. You, Armin, Mikasa, and Eren had gone your separate ways when the wall fell. Eren and Mikasa had gone to find Eren's mom, Armin went to look for help, and you had ran to find your dad. He was a solider of the Garrison and was probably out fighting but still...

    "(Y/n)!" A familiar voice yelled out. You turned around and found your dad running toward you. 

    "Dad!" You exclaimed. Without stopping he picked you up in his arms and continued running. 

    "Thank goodness I found you! You weren't at the house! I got worried!" He said as he headed toward where all the boats were. His main priority was to keep you safe and get you out of harms way.

    "Eren, Mikasa, and Armin! They're still here somewhere!" You said looking frantically for your friends. 

    "Don't worry. Hannes went to get Eren and Mikasa. Armin is already on a boat with his grandfather." You nodded, relief washing over you. "(Y/n)." Your dad said seriously making you look at him. He did not meet your eyes and instead kept his gaze up ahead. "I'm going to get you on the boat and you'll be bought deeper inside the walls. You'll be safe."

    "What about you?" You asked worriedly.

    "I have to stay and fight." 

    "But dad!"

    "It's my job sweetheart." He said turning to you and smiling a small smile. "And it's also my job to keep you safe, and keep you safe I will." You finally made it toward the exit and your dad swiftly made his way through the herd of people before stopping in front of several soldiers by the boat. He quickly exchanged words to one of the solider. The solider turned to look at you before nodding and making way for you to pass. Your dad put you down and bent down to eye level. You had tears in your eyes knowing you would be separated from the only family you had left. Your mom had died from an illness when you were younger leaving your dad to care for you. He might have been part of the Garrison but he still made time to spend with you. "Come now sweetheart you're stronger than that." Your dad told you placing a hand on your head.

    "I can't help it! You're going to stay here and you might get hurt or... or..." You could not finish and you felt more tears roll down you're cheeks. Your dad brought you in for a hug and held you close.

    "Don't worry about me. No matter what happens know that I will always love you." He gently pulled back and kissed your forehead before standing back up. He motioned toward the boat and you boarded hesitantly. You turned back to look at him and he smiled at you once more before going back to helping the other soldiers by the cannons guarding the wall. You remember finding Eren, Mikasa, and Armin. Judging from their expressions you knew something happened. You took a look around and saw Eren's mother wasn't there. You felt your heart drop. You didn't have to ask. Carla was like a mother to you. She always treated you with love and care. The boat had set sail and then you heard the sound of running. The earth shook and the foot steps became louder. You went to the edge of the boat and saw members of the Garrison quickly retreating as they screamed with fear. Suddenly the wall was busted down and bodies flew. You gasped as you saw your dad's bloody lifeless figure being tossed in the air. 

    "DAD!" You yelled as tears began streaming down your face uncontrollably. Your friends watched the scene in front of them in horror. Why did the people they cared about have to die? The one who caused your dad's death, the one who took the reminder of your family from you, was standing right in front of you. A titan that stood at 15 meters tall. A titan that seemed to have skin made of armor. That horrible creature had ruined your life.

    "(Y/n)!" A voice exclaimed. Your eyes shot up open as you quickly sat up gasping from breath. You looked around frantically as you breathed heavily. Where were you? What happened? What was going on? "Shh. (Y/n) it's okay. Shh. It's okay. It was just a dream." The same voice said gently holding your arms and holding you in place. You quickly turned to look at who was holding you and you let out a yell. You saw the same titan from five years ago. The one who scared you for life.

    "No! Stop it! Get away from me!" You exclaimed placing you head on your knees. 

    "Shh. It's okay. It's just me." You knew that voice. You shakily looked up and saw that the Armored Titan was no longer there but in it's place was your boyfriend looking at you concerned. 

    "Reiner." You said before breaking down sobbing. You leaned your head against his firm chest as he brought you closer to him whispering sweet nothings in your ear trying to calm you down. He had never seen you like this. You always had a smile on your face and you always held a strong front. He has never seen you this terrified. You looked like a lost child and the sight of you like this hurt him. He was asleep when he heard someone murmuring. Confused, he woke up and saw you crying out in your sleep as you moved around restlessly in the bed. He quickly sat up and had tried waking you up and after minutes of trying he did. He hated seeing you in so much pain. He just wished he knew what had caused you to break down like this.  

    After a while Reiner finally managed to calm you down. You sobs had lessened and your breathing went back to normal. Reiner was running his fingers through your hair in a soothing manner as you still had your head on his chest. You could hear the sound of his heart beating and you closed your eyes and listened to it, helping you relax. 

    "Want to talk about it?" Reiner asked you after a few minutes of silence. You sighed. 

    "You don't want to hear it." You said simply. Reiner placed his finger on your chin and gently lifted it so you were looking straight in his eyes. 

    "Babe. I'm your boyfriend and I love you. I'm here for you and I want to know." You looked down and fiddled with your fingers before nodding. 

    "I-I just had a nightmare. It was about when Shiganshina fell." Reiner winced. "My dad had put me on the boat that was going to bring us deeper into the wall. He left and went to go help the other soldiers guard the wall until everyone was evacuated. He was part of the Garrison and... and then the Armored Titan broke down the inner wall killing my dad in process! It's because of the Armored Titan that my dad is dead!" You yelled before placing your hands over your face and began crying once more. Reiner sat there in shock. You had told him your dad had died when Shiganshina fell but... but you never told him he died like that! You never mentioned that he had been part of the Garrison. He remembers rushing toward the inner wall five years. He remembers the soldiers firing cannons before retreating. He remembers crushing many of them as he broke down the wall. And one of those soldiers had been your dad. The reason you were suffering... the reason for your tears was because of him. His hands balled up into fists as his body shook. You looked up and saw the angry look on Reiner's face. "R-Reiner?" You asked snapping him out of his thoughts. He quickly looked up and remembered that now was not the time for self-loathing. He once again brought you close to him and kissed your head.

    "I'm sorry (Y/n). I didn't know." He told you sincerely as he wiped your tears away. 

    "It's alright." You said. "That's just why I need to get stronger. I need to get stronger so that I can help defeat the Armored Titan and help humanity. I've always hated Titans but out of all of them I hate the Armored even more. For my dad, for all the people who have died, I will avenge them. I just have to." Reiner said nothing. "You probably think I sound stupid." You said chuckling at how ridiculous you must sound. Reiner shook his head.

    "No you don't. Besides, you must feel better getting that off you chest right?" He asked forcing a smile. You nodded smiling as well. 

    "Yea. I do. Thanks Reiner." You said gently kissing him. He kissed back but couldn't help but feel guilty. 

    "Why don't we try getting back to sleep alright?" You nodded and both of you laid back down in bed with you snuggled close to Reiner. He always made you feel safe and secure. You knew he would always protect you and be there for you whenever you needed him. It was one of the reasons why he was such an amazing boyfriend. These thoughts ran through your mind before soon enough you were enveloped back to unconsciousness.
    
    Reiner watched you as you fell back asleep. You chest rose and fell with your breathing. Your (h/c) hair spread across your shoulders like a halo. Dear God why did he have to fall for you. He swore that he would never try and get too involved with anyone, but then he met you that first day of training in the Trainee Corps and all those thoughts flew out the window. You deserved better. You didn't deserve him. Better yet, he didn't deserve you! A monster like himself didn't deserve to be with the angel that you were. He has caused you so much pain without you realizing. You're suffering because of him. He should leave the Survey Corps so he didn't have to cause you anymore pain but, he has a mission to complete. He looked down at you wondering just how much longer he could keep his identity from you. If you were to find out before it was time then he would have no choice but to kill you. That was the last thing he wanted. Why did he have to get so attached? He brought upon himself unnecessary pain but looking at you he doesn't regret it. All those memories the two of you shared were priceless and irreplaceable. Until it was time for the big reveal he would continue to cherish every moment the two of you share, because he knew that once you found out who he was you would hate him for sure. You had already told him you hated the Armored Titan and once you find out it's him you'll hate him even more for betraying you. He shook his head trying to rid his head of those thoughts. He had you in his arms right now and that's all that mattered at the moment. For now he will savor the moment and try to forget about what tomorrow and the rest of the days ahead will bring. He knew he was a monster that didn't deserve happiness but he prayed that the gods let him be happy. He knew he was being selfish but he didn't care. For now, you were in his arms. For now, you loved and cared for him. For now, things were peaceful. For now, you were both happy. For now, that was all he asks for.